Not All Mothers Love Their Children

My mother 2010

The truth of this has finally been confirmed!  It has only taken 42 years to get a straight answer, but by golly, I finally got one.

Do you know what it’s like to grow up thinking your mother doesn’t love you?  Sure, I realized that my step-father didn’t, but that was okay because he wasn’t my real dad – I wasn’t his real daughter.  As much as I felt that Momma didn’t love me, I questioned myself… it couldn’t possibly be true.  I tortured myself over this for years.  There was that part of me that believed, if only you do this better, or that better, you’ll see – she really does love you.  Lord, I tried so hard, over and over again... only to end up with my heart broken from the pain of her rejection and indifference.  Then there was that other part of me that said, Look – can’t you see that she’s defective?  She doesn’t remember your birthdays, she drives right past your house to see your sister, she doesn’t call to check on you when she finds out you’re in the hospital, she didn’t even tell her best friend of 20 years that she had another daughter.  Hell, as soon as my parents put me out at age 16 they dropped my medical coverage and forgot about me - they never contacted me again.  I moved into 11 different homes in that first year and they didn’t even know about it.  If it hadn’t been for my sister trying to find me and keep in touch they still wouldn't know anything about me.

Little Me at 2 years old

So, anyway, I’m getting off subject.  Hallelujah, I finally got the truth out of my mother and it feels great!  April of 2010 my mother confessed that she didn’t love me and never had, even though she tried.  However, she is proud of how strong of a person I am and how well I’ve turned out.  Amazingly enough, this awful truth brought me peace.  It erased most of the bitterness I’ve been carrying around in my heart for years.  I finally know the truth... I wasn’t imagining things... I can trust my judgment because I was right all along.